While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
