i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
