Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
