I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
