But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
