Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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