In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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