just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
