I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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