The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize