I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love you.
Bad choice
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
