she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
