I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
