It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
