just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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