she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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