I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
