Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
