she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
