So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your topless pictures make me question reality
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize