Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
