It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so let's talk penis.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
