there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
