I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
