My friends, they love my intelligence
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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