i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
