Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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