I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
