the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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