it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
