Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
