im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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