im drinking this country out of the recession.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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