This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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