Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
