i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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