About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
