i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
