ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
