Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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