good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love having hate sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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