guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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