Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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