You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
