So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
