he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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