dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
