I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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