Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
