while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
