my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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