I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize