Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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