I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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