im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
