My friends, they love my intelligence
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize