Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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