why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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