we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
