my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
