my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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