somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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