The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
