all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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