He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
